Why I Haven’t Been Able to Lose Weight

I have a hard time with being overweight. In fact, I am technically obese. I was never that big before the doctors got me on their brain medicine. Then I blew up to over 240 pounds from 165. I used to be in shape too, with admittedly a bit of a beer belly, but I rode a bicycle everywhere and could easily ride 100 miles in a day.

I am a lot older now, 57 in fact. I suffer from severe lack of motivation. I sit at my computer all day trying to learn something about health and fitness, but end up listening to the same videos every day that say less than nothing about actually getting into shape. It doesn’t help that they all have their own agenda they are pushing, no doubt to make money on supplements.

Right now I am at about 214 pounds, a few pounds more or less depending on how hydrated I am. My blood pressure was running pretty high for the last few years, but it seems to be under control now that I am not smoking regularly. Even in the stressful environment of the doctor’s office it was 122/84 the other day, and it ran 155/97 last time I was in there. I need to watch my diet and find some way to become more active.

I am working on getting over a drinking problem I have had off and on since 1985. I haven’t been buying beer lately, and make some horrible hard cider with very low alcohol when I want a buzz. Yeah, it’s prison wine, and full of sugar, but hey, it’s cheap and I am poor.

I am unemployed and crazy and live with my old Dad. I got a job last year for about a month, but it triggered my psychosis and I had to quit. I look for a job almost every day, but every listing I see seems like I lack the training to do. This seems odd to me. I have a degree in physics and years of experience maintaining scientific and electronic equipment, yet I am not qualified to make pizza at the local market. I have written computer programs and designed, tested, built, and maintained some pretty slick electronic chemical test apparatus. Still, I can’t even find a job sweeping floors.

It doesn’t help that I have mental problems. Back in the day when I had ambition I never went more than a couple months without paying work, and I never seemed to have trouble scouting up jobs I could do that paid fairly well. The job market has changed though. Engineers are all AutoCAD jockeys now. Technicians are considered unskilled labor. And what I learned from my last job at Home Depot is that Sales Associates are the guys who hump sacks of mulch into the back seats of minivans. Nevermind they trained me to sell shit to customers, when I got on the floor the manager did not even want me talking to customers.

Yeah, I complain a lot. I should be complaining about myself scarfing down almost 3000 Calories today when I am supposed to be on a diet. I have at least been keeping track of the things I eat and drink. That is the first part of my weight loss strategy, write down what you eat and drink so you know what you are putting into your body. Years ago when I was still ambitious and employed, I kept track of calories in my head. I lived on bags of chips, diet pop, and candy bars from vending machines for breakfast and lunch. Then I ate very little food for dinner. I went from over 240 to 170 in six months, and the weight stayed off for a couple years, until they put me back on a high dose of antipsychotics again. I was up to 245 back in September of last year, so I have managed to lose 30 pounds with my half-assed attempts so far.

So enough fucking around with the past. This new face of my blog is about the future. The future me, back to 170 pounds and with a good set of muscles. The very near future me who limits his Calories to 1500 a day until he drops the 50 pounds of excess fat he is carrying around. The tomorrow me who gets up early and does exercises first thing in the morning. And the future me who gets a good job helping people get into better shape, which is really the kind of work I want to be doing. No more messing around with laziness and booze. Now is the time for action.